I just cut my nipple shaving
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
