Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
