I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
