So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
