I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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