I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
