whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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