I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
