Even water is tasting like jack daniels
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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