i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
