I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
