My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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