I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am puke
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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