Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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