its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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