You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
