You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
