You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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