no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
