"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
