There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
