just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
