She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He has the fingertips of a God
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