At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
