His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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