I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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