Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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