I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
