What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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