hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I looked at my own cervix.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
