Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
