I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
