u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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