At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
