nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
