Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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