I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this boner is exhausting
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
