could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
