I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
