I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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