he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
