glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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