I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
