there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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