her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
