my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
