Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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