Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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