Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
