He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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