I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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