Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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