Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
