Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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