What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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