I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am one with the molecules
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
