What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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