My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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