Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Randomize
