You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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