so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
