The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Everything about him screamed your future.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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