watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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