i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
