I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
