No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
