i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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