Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He shit in the fireplace
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
