just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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