My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
